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Tyrant
NBF member

Let me get this right. If you marry, which you clearly don't want to, your family's threatened you to commit suicide themselves. You can't live without them either. I'm sure that's illegal but you refuse to ask for help from the government because you don't want to make them a laughing stock and are clearly against that idea. Well, since you mentioned Indian ethnicity and 'status' and that you care for that, you do realize worse would happen to 'status' if you were to commit suicide, right? 

I'm not saying it's not messed up. It is, truly, and sorry if I seem blunt, but nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. Just for this phase, be selfish and try to help yourself. Talk to someone other than your family about this, even someone who you don't think will be helpful. Maybe move out in the same city somewhere else for a month. Sometimes, getting rid of a toxic environment is the best thing.

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Claraviolet
Akatsuki

(12-26-2017, 07:08 PM)Tyrant Wrote: Let me get this right. If you marry, which you clearly don't want to, your family's threatened you to commit suicide themselves. You can't live without them either. I'm sure that's illegal but you refuse to ask for help from the government because you don't want to make them a laughing stock and are clearly against that idea. Well, since you mentioned Indian ethnicity and 'status' and that you care for that, you do realize worse would happen to 'status' if you were to commit suicide, right? 

I'm not saying it's not messed up. It is, truly, and sorry if I seem blunt, but nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. Just for this phase, be selfish and try to help yourself. Talk to someone other than your family about this, even someone who you don't think will be helpful. Maybe move out in the same city somewhere else for a month. Sometimes, getting rid of a toxic environment is the best thing.
When I said suicide, it means an accident. I would make it look like an accident. I am not an idiot ty chan. I wouldn't want to hurt my family in anyway. I just want them to understand me. I just want them to understand that being single isn't a crime and adopting an orphan isn't foolishness.

I thought of going somewhere too. But shucks..I don't want my mom to worry. Her health isn't that great. So...
I am out of options. I highly doubt the current counseling sessions would change me at this point

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BurnsyCEO
NBF member

(12-26-2017, 04:27 PM)Claraviolet Wrote: Well...I have tried everything that I know. I do hope that they would come to understand me sometime.
I can't believe my mom said she would be ashamed of me if I don't marry... ;_;
Even so...I can't bring myself to do that

Why do you give any amount of fucks for people who say stuff like that? I'd say that feeling is mutual if they think some status BS is worth more than ruining some girl's life. And I don't know where you got your idea of calling the police would make everyone know of your problems but you're wrong, it should be just them coming over and making it clear they have no power over your life.
And you need to stop also being a pussy and just pack up and leave. You have a job and a place to stay. Thats more than 90% of the people in your position have. Take your stuff, your documents (important) and relocate somewhere either temporarily or permanently and cut ties with your parents. Yes you are allowed to do that you're an adult. And no nobody is going to commit suicide they're just lying to you as usual to blackmail you. You can open your eyes and live or keep them closed and either get into a shitty marriage or be dead. Not a hard choice.

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Claraviolet
Akatsuki

(12-27-2017, 01:31 AM)BurnsyCEO Wrote: Why do you give any amount of fucks for people who say stuff like that? I'd say that feeling is mutual if they think some status BS is worth more than ruining some girl's life. And I don't know where you got your idea of calling the police would make everyone know of your problems but you're wrong, it should be just them coming over and making it clear they have no power over your life.
And you need to stop also being a pussy and just pack up and leave. You have a job and a place to stay. Thats more than 90% of the people in your position have. Take your stuff, your documents (important) and relocate somewhere either temporarily or permanently and cut ties with your parents. Yes you are allowed to do that you're an adult. And no nobody is going to commit suicide they're just lying to you as usual to blackmail you. You can open your eyes and live or keep them closed and either get into a shitty marriage or be dead. Not a hard choice.

I would have done that, if I didn't care about my family at all....but that's my weakness. Family is everything to me...especially my mom. She knows that and she is afraid. I can tell that she is afraid of my future. She knows I would never live she is no longer in this world.
That's why she is trying to look for a new family for me. If I could just convince my mom that my intentions would never change no matter what, I don't have to ruin anybody's life.

I wanted to run away at first too...but I can't live without seeing my mom for more than 30 days. 
So, either convincing my mom or death are the only options for me. 
Tell me one thing....have you ever thought....people who go to police or either low class or high class people? People who got decent background, could never go to them....So, it's not an option for me.

Come on...you should know all this as you are an Indian yourself!

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Davis
NBF member

(12-25-2017, 04:02 PM)Claraviolet Wrote: Yeah but when we got pushed into a corner we couldn't see any other solution. I have talked to my family but I highly doubt they are gonna listen to anything anymore


Yeah and she believes that she is taking care of me. I could never live without her. So cutting any contact with her is another way of killing myself


I am taking counseling sessions but I highly doubt they can help me at this point


I know but I couldn't take it. Even now I am thinking of finding a way to end things my way


Thank you Davis.
I have tried talking to my family but they wouldn't listen and my mom. Believe I am acting like a teenager and... Damn I can't believe my life. I have been thinking of going back to my hometown and be with my mom but now she wanted to marry me off.

Is being single a crime? Wanting to live with your birth family is not illegal damn it....
My family threatened me that they would commit suicide....

@Everyone I got engaged. I told him I don't like the prospect of getting married. 
I hate when my mom. Says that I am destroying her life.


...
I got two months left to convince my family. If I couldn't do that, then I don't have any choices left



you had many options, you just did not want to do anything about due this and that.

you are an adult you can look after yourself.

as you say you are a traditional family, your family will probably never understand.

but you have many options i have seen a few that you could have done easy.

but you are not willing to do them, so now you have done something that you completely hate and will likely regret it for a long time.

I mean its your life you can do what you want, but from what you have said you have done the wrong thing. just to please everyone.

i even saw that its against the law from burnsy's post , you would have been supported 100% and can easily got out of this mess.


also i doubt your family would actually do that.

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Claraviolet
Akatsuki

(12-27-2017, 02:14 AM)Davis Wrote: you had many options, you just did not want to do anything about due this and that.

you are an adult you can look after yourself.

as you say you are a traditional family, your family will probably never understand.

but you have many options i have seen a few that you could have done easy.

but you are not willing to do them, so now you have done something that you completely hate and will likely regret it for a long time.

I mean its your life you can do what you want, but from what you have said you have done the wrong thing. just to please everyone.

i even saw that its against the law from burnsy's post , you would have been supported 100% and can easily got out of this mess.


also i doubt your family would actually do that.

Honestly, I am glad that you guys care for me Grin
I do have doubts that my family would commit mass suicide too....but I don't wanna take chances. Some of my family members like my grand mother got short temper. I can't trust her...not to take any bad decisions in some critical moment.
Yeah...its illegal to do this but still everyone goes through the arranged marriages....so.....according to society...it's not illegal.
As you said, there are many options for me.....but each and every option comes with a hefty price...

I will try to make my family understand that this is wrong....it's my only hope.

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Elvis
Rouge pirate

If you do end up getting married, are you allowed to post wedding photos on the forum? I bet you'd look adorable in a traditional Indian wedding dress.

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BurnsyCEO
NBF member

(12-27-2017, 02:03 AM)Claraviolet Wrote: I would have done that, if I didn't care about my family at all....but that's my weakness. Family is everything to me...especially my mom. She knows that and she is afraid. I can tell that she is afraid of my future. She knows I would never live she is no longer in this world.
That's why she is trying to look for a new family for me. If I could just convince my mom that my intentions would never change no matter what, I don't have to ruin anybody's life.

I wanted to run away at first too...but I can't live without seeing my mom for more than 30 days. 
So, either convincing my mom or death are the only options for me. 
Tell me one thing....have you ever thought....people who go to police or either low class or high class people? People who got decent background, could never go to them....So, it's not an option for me.

Come on...you should know all this as you are an Indian yourself!

Someone needs to slap you and kick you out of your house and let you fend for yourself. If you could do that you'd clearly show your mom you're fine with being alone. But instead you cry and come back and that is what makes them think you can't fend for yourself and THATs why you're being pressured to get married because it's the only solution old fashioned people know.

"people who go to police or either low class or high class people? People who got decent background, could never go to them"

What the FUCK are you even talking about?

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Claraviolet
Akatsuki

(12-27-2017, 05:28 AM)BurnsyCEO Wrote: Someone needs to slap you and kick you out of your house and let you fend for yourself. If you could do that you'd clearly show your mom you're fine with being alone. But instead you cry and come back and that is what makes them think you can't fend for yourself and THATs why you're being pressured to get married because it's the only solution old fashioned people know.

"people who go to police or either low class or high class people? People who got decent background, could never go to them"

What the FUCK are you even talking about?

Lol.. don't you think I have encountered violence as a kid because of all this? Well, I wouldn't exactly say a punching bag but my dad used violence until I was 15. I wasn't a good student at first. So he always compared me with his colleagues children. My sister used to get hurt too, as she never allowed father too hurt me badly.

Even now, I don't think my father would really understand what he did was Wrong. 

Anyway, because of that, I hate pain. I will stand for my family. My mom knows that. I fought with my hr to give me a transferred sure just one month and it's unheard of. I got permission to stay outside of the campus when it is literally forbidden during my training.
So she knows I am not that weak. Shucks..I never talked my personal stuff like this before. But if I don't say anything now, I might disappear and I would regret it

(12-27-2017, 04:33 AM)Elvis Wrote: If you do end up getting married, are you allowed to post wedding photos on the forum? I bet you'd look adorable in a traditional Indian wedding dress.

Elvis, if you think this is a joke, then I really don't know what to say to you. People are different here

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Kaynil
Yonko

(12-27-2017, 02:03 AM)Claraviolet Wrote:  [mom] is afraid. I can tell that she is afraid of my future. She knows I would never live she is no longer in this world. [...] I can't live without seeing my mom for more than 30 days. 

Here is the kernel of the situation. In order to convince her you need to move out and learn how to cope without running back. Learning that it is fine. 

Seems like, as bad as forced marriage sounds for you, you rather get married than losing what you got with your mom. Marriage won't fix that emotional cling link by itself and you are just setting yourself for misery if you are ready to take on a marriage.

The only way I can see you out of this one is to face your fears. No matter what you chose you might lose your mom one day and you need to be able to accept it as part of life and be able to move on. Your mom wants to know you will be strong and can keep on going no matter what happens. You won't convince her with words. You gotta take action.

What I think you could do to convince her is to strike a deal where you guys postpone the wedding and if you manage to be on your own without depending on her emotionally by X date then it can be called off. As the point of the wedding is to ease her fears. It is effort. You are going to need to put a lot of your part and counseling should help with that. 

Talk with counselors and friends and make a draft of a plan and minigoals to get there in realistically. If she sees you making a real effort she will probably get off your back. Get self help books. 

Regarding hefty prices sometimes we have to take that kind of desicions. I fell in love with someone from the other side of the world. I knew pursuing the relationship meant at least one of us (realistically me) woukd have to move away from their family. I was never a party goer. Pretty stay at home kind of person and very dependant. I won't say fear wasn't there as I was saying goodbye to my family at the airpirt. Taking scales when in the past I've missed national flights. It was terrifying. I was to stay with people I didn't know. I left a tween that now is an adult.  Sometimes you will have to choose between what you really want to do and what is expected. Between the comfort of what you know and facing having to do things you don't think you have it in you.

So make sure you think in you. Make sure you understand what is stopping you and what will make you happier. As terrifying it is and as hard it can be to face them step forward. One step at the time. 

Best of luck convincing your mom and working in yourself. I hope it all works out.

(This post was last modified: 12-27-2017, 11:48 AM by Kaynil.)

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